Promises....

So, yeah, I believe in and love God.

We are taught to stand on God's promises. Most of us know that God will and does speak to his children and in His own way will give us answers, blessings and even send people to prophesy over people for future blessings and paths that will be opened. So, when he makes promises to someone, how long do we stand on that until its safe to say its time to give up because it never happened. Even prophecies to couples, promises for things to come...why would He fulfill that promise to one but not the other in that couple? How are we as His children supposed to believe and hold fast to those promises and see nothing to keep us believing? Even 10 years later, things left as though they were forgotten, are we supposed to still stand and believe?

Again, please leave feedback as I would love to hear what others think of this from Christian views or any other views at that. And if anyone has any specific questions that may seem too personal to ask here then please feel free to contact me on facebook at facebook.com/smokeyangel or email me at mmmscott228@netcommander.com

Why

The tables are turned,

the chances are gone,

The doors been shut,

the curtains are drawn.

Watching from a distance,

trying to pick up the pieces.

Pieces of my broken heart,

shattered and torn on the floor.

Cuddling embraces,

sweet innocent kisses.

Hugs in the darkness,

noises in the night.

Bright laughter,

warmth in the smiles.

Curled in a hole,

swallowing my pride.

Anything for my friends,

anything for their love.

Don't leave me behind,

I need them so much.

Words unheard,

and never spoken.

Broken,

Why?

Needs

Needs to be held,

Needs to be touched,

Needs to be loved,

Needs to be warm,

Needs to be caught,

Needs to be kept,

Needs to be kissed,

Needs to be heard,

Needs to be longed for,

Needs to be rubbed,

Needs to be wanted,

Needs to be needed.

Interesting email from Grandmom.....

I received an interesting email today from my grandmother giving me some information I never knew about my family.....I never knew that I had any other firefighters in my family but one. And I had found that out about a year or so ago. Turns out it must really be in my blood and explains why I have fought so hard and still am fighting to be who I am. 

One person specifically deserves soo much credit for me getting this far....Matt if it had not been for you I never would have joined, I never would have pushed and I would have quit before I got started. Thank you so much for encouraging me when I needed it and kicking me in my ass end when I needed that too :) Even now, because you supported me so much, I now have my First Responders and made it to semester 2 of EMT-I school....when I wanted to lay down you picked my ass back up and told me to get up and keep walking. Thank you so very much Matt! You are my Silent Hero....and my loud alarm clock...lol! 

I hope my Grandmom doesn't mind but I am copying her email and posting it here:

"I just found your website.  I wanted to tell you that being a fire-fighter is in your blood.  I talked to Robert Williams, my cousin (Ladder 49).  He told me how many of my ancestors were fire-fighters.  He and his wife went to Ireland and discovered that my Great-Great-Great-grandfather was a Fire chief.

Here in Baltimore My Great-Uncle, his sons and their sons and grandsons were all Fire-fighters."

Jon Travolta and my Grandmothers Cousin Robert Williams on scene of the movie Ladder 49

 

"Any way, I saw him last week, and met some other second cousins that are fire fighters.  One is named Thomas Adcock, another Eric Williams they both know Ira. He is the one you met, right?  The fire house that you visited on Fort Avenue has the name Patrick J O'Connor on the front.  Robert's wife is the daughter of Patrick J. O'Connor.  I had two Great Uncles that I knew in my lifetime.  Edward Williams, and James Williams. They were both my mother's mother's brothers.  Robert's father was John Williams, but he wasn't a fireman.  Uncle James had two sons that were fireman.  James, Jr. has passed away, but two of his sons are fireman, and I think their sons are also fireman."

Silent Escapes

I turn the corner,
and see your shadow,
Dancing, Mocking.

I walk the sidewalk,
feeling the ghosts,
of our laughter, our love.

I feel the breeze,
blowing softly,
reminding of your touch, your kiss.

I climb the fence,
and reach the height of insanity,
as I remember my heart soaring.

I stroll down the dirt path,
kicking up dust as I go,
remembering crushed dreams.

I reach the waters edge,
and see the reflection,
of who I once was and have become.

I wonder as I tie the knots,
Why could I never change,
Why did I stay so quiet?

And I make my Silent Escape.

(M.Scott 8/5/10)

Crying Out

Somebody hold me,
Before the pieces crumble.
Someone please catch me,
Before I fall.
Somebody save me,
Before I ruin it all.
Someone run,
Save my soul.
Somebody find me,
Before I wander to far.
Someone is a hero,
Who can break the wall.
Somebody love me,
Before I lose it all.

(M.Scott 5/9/10 3:55PM)

Dreams

Do you dream of me,
While you are sleeping,
Resting and at ease?
Are the shadows gone from your mind?
Or am I still hiding there?
Do you hear me,
Whispering through the breeze?
Does the sound of my voice still drop you to your knees?
Can you feel my touch on your face?
Does it still take you to a higher place?
Does my love mean a thing to you?
Or is it disposable too?
Will you remember me,
When I am dead and gone?

(M.Scott 5/12/10 1:30AM)

Shelter

Hold me in your arms,
Even for a moment in time.
Let me feel the ecstasy and joy,
From being wrapped in your love.
Show me your heart,
and replace my pain.
Remove the shadows that lurk inside,
Dance in the light with me.
Unhinge my very essence,
Help me to let go.
Even for a moment in time to be secure,
Even for a day to be unafraid.
Show me the heavens,
If only through your eyes.
Return the stars to my sight,
Through the touch of your hands.
Shelter me with yourself.

(M.Scott 6/13/10 8AM)

Left Behind

Entry way clear,
Advancing forward,
Dragging the line.
Following the smoke,
Deeper and deeper.
Darkness consuming the light.
Brightness appears,
Angry flames,
Eating everything in its path.
The order goes out,
Evacuate before you get hurt!
Turning towards the team,
Only to find that you've been left behind.
Follow the hose line,
Only to be tangled and lost.
Calling for help,
But no one hears.
Suffocating madness,
Blinding flashes,
Grim reality, truth unfolds,
Your family never was.

(M.Scott 6/19/10 9:57PM)

Total Destruction

As the screams of despair go unheard,
The flames of destruction burn unchecked.
No one can see her,
Hiding in the open.
Surrounded by pain,
Succumbing to the heat.
She gives up crawling through the heated embers,
And watches as her world burns down.
Surrounded by flames,
She looks up and screams....
Why can no one see me?
Why doesn't anyone come for me?
Sifting through the ashes,
There is no trace left behind.

(M. Scott 3/11/10 8:04PM)

Turmoil

Flames,
Twisting, Twirling,
Licking at everything they can reach.
Watching the orange fingers reach,
Curling around every object.
Orange turns to blue,
Blue into purples, greens, and even bright white.
Flames causing utter chaos,
A world tuning upside-down.
Tunnel vision,
Focus on the flames.
Trying to extinguish them,
Then realizing they refuse to be put out.
Why won't this fire die?
Stricken by the realization,
The flames are not real,
They are an imagery of turmoil in ones life.

(M.Scott 3/11/10 6:43AM)

Walk Away

Turn and walk away,
Don't try to beg me to stay.
Hatred burns on your face,
Causing my heart to catch a new pace.
Tripping on my feet,
Being chased away from the heat.
Stuttering and stammering for the words,
But they fly away like tiny birds.
Sleep eludes me,
While nightmares chase me.
Consuming pain as my meal,
No one can seem to be real.
Touches are no more,
I had no choice but to shut that door.
Strength is lacking,
But I have to send fear packing.

(M. Scott 8/19/10 7:29AM)

Pain

Pain is a path we must follow,
Always hoping there will be no tomorrow.
Suck it up and try again,
It's amazing those words from a friend.
Moments of laughter,
They're so hard to remember after.
Cuts so deep into an old wound,
Who knew he'd leave you marooned.
Blood soaked tattered and torn,
I thought these feathers were meant to be adorned.
Teasing memories of what could have been,
Altered by a mortal sin.
High as a kite,
Taking it's final flight.
Turning around to walk away,
Out of my mouth, I love you anyways.
Tear stained pillows catching my sobbing breaths,
Feeling as though I've died a thousand deaths.
Now I lay me down to rest,
Who knows if I have passed this test.
So glad I never gave all my heart,
For right now it would be shattered apart.

(M. Scott 8/19/10 6:30AM)

In the mood to write....

Going to post a few poems I've been writing over the last few months. Please leave me some feedback......
(And as a side note, though some may seem dark or even suicidal...please know that this is only poems, and I am not thinking about suicide in any way!)

Desperation

Crawling,
Endlessly crawling through a long dark hallway.
Searching for something unknown.
Is there anyone there?
Why won't anyone answer me?
The darkness is maddening.
This mask is so tight.
Struggling to breathe normal,
Crawling slowly and desperately.
Right hand search,
But where is the corner to turn,
Where is the corner to hide in?
Under, over, and around but still no corner to be found.
Warning bells sounding all around,
Still searching desperately.
Then I realize,
I am looking for me.....